Just Enough

This morning I was reading the account of God providing manna for the Israelites. They had very clear instructions, to gather just the amount they needed for the day, except for the 6th day, when they were to gather enough for two days. (for the Sabbath) At the end of each day they were not to keep any leftovers and if they did, it was smelly and filled with maggots in the morning. I was thinking of how much this must have stretched all those personalities that like to plan ahead, like to have control, or like to take extra precautions. In my walk with the Lord, I go through times when I'm really good at taking God at His Word, and I just follow instructions and let Him take care of everything. Then there's times (like right now) where I'm not so good at it. And everyday is tug-a-war match between me and God. It's hard to give up control, back-up plans, and self-reliance. What I'm learning though is that as much as I fight God for the throne of my life, it is His rightful place. As much as I try to plan out my future, God's purpose for my life is greater. As much as I want to be independent, there's nothing sweeter than being dependent on my Heavenly Father. Surrender is hard, letting go doesn't make sense, but it's completely worth it. I just collect the manna of today and God will worry about the rest.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

No greater joy

Throughout today, I've been very much aware of all the things that distract me from the things that God wants for me. I was watching a scene from a movie of a small town girl who gets a chance to showcase her talent on a big stage. As someone who enjoys singing a great deal, I couldn't help but wish for the same opportunity. Not that wanting this is wrong, but I realized that in the process of thinking these thoughts, there's a little part of me that gives up on what God has for me to walk in. There's a little part of me that begins to believe the lie that maybe God doesn't really have a full life for me. God doesn't have me singing on a big stage somewhere, but as I was driving home tonight, singing a song to the Lord, I realized, my heart was full. There's no greater song to sing than the song of someone beloved by God, there's no greater stage to sing on than the throne room of my Father, and there's no greater audience than that of my loving Savoir. The greatest joy I've ever known has been found in following Jesus. And when I begin to believe the lie that a full life if found outside of anything but Jesus, I will remember these words:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36)

What that old church lady taught me

Yesterday morning, I was on a walk. There's these two big hills that I come across on my walk. When I finally mounted the last one, I felt relieved. Automatically I could hear in my head that one old lady from my church growing up as a kid singing in her manly voice (not exaggerating), "God is good, all the time, He put a song of praise in this heart of mine..." As someone who's mind is like a constant jutebox, this song says something about how I felt in that moment. I felt good after the difficult part of my walk, as well as attributed that good feeling to the goodness of God. But I also realized how inaccurate this thought process is. God is not good based on the goodness of circumstance. God is just good, all the time, despite the circumstance. I've found myself singing this same song after coming home after a long day of work, hearing good news, finishing a report for work, while driving home with the windows rolled down and music blasting, when there's a little bit extra in a pay check, when the weather's good, etc. While I think it is a good thing to praise God for the blessings in our lives, it is not good to base God's character on the condition of our situations. And a lot of times, in my attempt to praise God for His blessings, I seem to teach myself that a seemingly blessed life is a sign of God's goodness. It's not during blessing that I need to be reminded of God's goodness, it's during hard times that I need to know that God is good. I need to teach myself to believe in God's goodness despite what my circumstances try to communicate. I need to snuff out those lies that suggest that God's goodness is contingent upon whatever situation I find myself in. I need to sing it out loud so that my heart believes it and my head connects with the truth of God's goodness. Because just as that old church lady taught me years ago, "God is good, all the time, He put a song of praise in this heart of mine..."

My Restless Heart

Came home tonight very anxious, confused, and my stomach in knots. The whole drive home I kept hearing in my head, "Do not be anxious about anything..." knowing that the Lord was waiting for me to stop my brain from spinning, and turn my heart towards Him. And as much as I don't enjoy this restless feeling, I do love how every time it always leads me back to God's heart. It's always an opportunity for me to anchor myself deeper in God's love. And in the process of finding that safeguard in the Lord, I am reminded of the things that matter. Those little faces of the kids I work with everyday come to mind, their sorrow, hurts, and wounds. God asks us not to worry, but if I do worry, may I worry about their futures and how I can be a positive impact on them. God also ask us not to be anxious, but if anxiousness ensues, may I be anxiously praying for healing to come into their lives. And if I am to spend my heart in such a way that it is vulnerable may it be because I love those kids without restriction in a way that only God can teach. May my heart ache for God's Kingdom more than it does over hurts, trials, and confusion that I come across. May I worry about eternity more than I worry about insecurity, rejection, and heartache. And what a joy it is knowing that even when our hearts wander and we become restless about meaningless things, God is restless in His pursuit of us.

Beloved

Now, I'm not trying to add to or subtract from the Scriptures here, but I fully believe that the Bible is a complete story. And when reading one part, it is a good idea to keep in mind things you've gleaned from the other parts. And as I was reading in Psalm 139:1-4 this morning, I kept hearing the truth from the words in Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. (And You love me with an everlasting love)
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. (And yet you draw me to You with loving-kindness
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. (And despite my brokenness, You still love me with an everlasting love)
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord." (And even after knowing my every thought, you still draw me to You with loving kindness.)

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

And I'd like to add, Neither my perception of myself, nor the sorrow of trials, neither the deception of circumstance, nor the lies of the enemy, neither the imperfect love of parents nor opinion of others will be able to separate me, us, from the love that is in Christ Jesus Our Lord.

Hardened Hearts

"Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened." Mark 6:51-52 When I read this it made me a little disappointed in the disciples. How could their faith be that small when they had just previously saw Jesus perform a huge miracle? But then I also thought..."their hearts were hardened?" It wasn't just a lack of faith issue, but an issue of the heart. Their inability to understand what Jesus had done with the loaves and the fish resulted in the hardening of their hearts. And I walk through life doing the same thing. I've worried about money, though I've experience the Lord's provision in small and big ways. I've stressed about not knowing what the future holds, even though I follow the One Who holds my future. I've felt lonely even though God is with me always. I've not been able to let go of past hurts, even though God has been waiting to embrace me with His healing arms. I've feared stepping out in faith, even though I've experienced the peace and joy there is in following God. I've failed to trust people even though I know God's love for me never fails. I've had a hardened heart. I need first recognize the Lord's hand on my life, then praise Him for it. So that when the next thing comes, worship is just automatic. I don't want my hardened heart to ever get in the way of me faithfully following, passionately loving, fervently trusting, or joyfully rejoicing in the God Who walked on water, fed 5 thousand, healed the blind man, and parted the Red Sea.

Let's get serious

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us." 1 John 4:16

It's valentine's day...The day you have a date with the couch, watch Bridget Jones, and eat your feelings with chocolate or you wish your valentine was a little bit more romantic than pizza and a new vacuum, or maybe you think it's dumb that one day of the year people use flowers and chocolate to express love that should be expressed year-round. It's fun to joke about singleness, the ups and downs of relationships, and I'll admit that I also do enjoy a good ounce of cynicism over Hallmark's big money making day. But I also think that humor is a way to make light of very serious things. And I think that cynicism is used to smite our deepest longings and eventually kill the life of our heart. So in an effort to be serious and breathe life back into our hearts, I pray that we can allow God's love to speak into all our situations.

Missing your valentine who is far away? "And so we know and rely on love God has for us."

Wishing your valentine was still here? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Never had a healthy relationship with a man/woman because of childhood wounds? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Maybe you've just never had a relationship and wonder if there's something wrong with you? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

In the worse part of the "for better or worse" promise you made years ago and looking for an out? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us"

Feeling abandoned by people whom you thought loved you? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Never been loved by a single person? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us"

Stay busy and work hard so you don't have to deal? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Realize that your social life would be over the second you lost your fancy house, cars, and houseboat? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Tried to find God, but He never really showed up? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Don't really believe in the existence of God? Even still..."And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

God's heart for us, how He interacts with our lives, and pursues our hearts is the most amazing thing I've ever come across. It's meant to fill every whole of our lives, quiet the stirrings of our heart, is the healing nectar for the wounds that have scarred us, and the fulfillment of aches that seem to imply that we were made for something bigger than this world. May we know God loves us...and eventually learn to rely, stake everything, on His love for us. Happy Valentine's Day.