He never fails

"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13:7-8a)

In a world filled with rejection, divorce, danger, opting out, giving up, fear, and loneliness, it seems as though these verses do not hold very much water. And when cynicism has won over my heart, I no longer believe the truth of God's love. Sarcasm becomes my defense mechanism, bitterness my life-line, and apathy my protective barrier. I don't have time for that person to let me down again, I just don't think that other person is ever going to change, and I am tired of someone else's BS. My heart has become numb to hope. I fail to love the way I am supposed to. And I realize that I fail to love because I fail to believe God's love for myself. I fail to believe that God can love me despite all of my shortcomings. I find myself once again in need of the Cross. I need to stand in its shadow once again and realize the grace that God extends to me. And this is not the first time I find myself back here, not even the second time, I find myself here every day, every moment in need of the Savior. God's sacrifice on the cross means that there's always hope, there is Someone I can always trust, and there is a love that truly never fails. No one is beyond the reach of God's love. Being loved by God makes me know that that there is no heart is too bitter to change, no person too depressed for God to lift up, and no soul wretched enough that God's grace doesn't extend to them. For God always hopes, always perseveres, and His love for us never fails.

Prone to Wander

Sitting here reading about people who have wandered in the Bible and how God loves them back to Him. Each account I read God is gentle in their shame, constant despite their wandering ways, and graceful despite their wayward hearts. And when I realize that God's heart relates to myself in the same way, I break. Sometimes God gives me a glimpse into His great love so overwhelming that I can't help but cry. The reasons why I've pushed the Father away seem trivial in comparison to  the great tenderness found in His embrace. The motivation behind my lack of trust in God's goodness seems petty, my rebellion is useless, and my pride ridiculous. I've listened to lie that God's love is based on circumstance. I've put a stop on the healing that hurts too much to go through. I've said no to the hope that wants to wash away my cynicism. I've allowed the hurt others have caused to build walls between me and God. Meanwhile God has been watching me within enough distance for me to walk back into His embrace. God's Father heart has stayed constant and his compassion consistent. And now I cry, not because of my shame, but because despite my shame, God is ever tender, filled with grace, and ever unconditionally loving.

We Believe

"We believe in God the Father
We believe in Jesus Christ
We believe in the Holy Spirit
And He's given us new life
We believe in the crucifixion
We believe that He conquered death
We believe in the resurrection
And He's coming back again, we believe." (The Newsboys)

This song has been on my heart tonight. I love it so much! The words speak of such great things! The healing that comes from God our Father, the salvation that comes from Jesus Christ, the guidance that comes from the Holy Spirit are all things that have the power to lift us up from any pit we may find ourselves in. The crucifixion that gives us acceptance, the conquering of death that gives us freedom, the resurrection that gives us full life, and the promise that the One Who loves us the most and the best, is coming back for us, all these things have the ability to pick us up when we stumble, light the way in the darkness, and keep us from sinking. There is no heart too broken for healing and there is no situation too bleak for hope. In every disheartening moment, may this song always find a way to our hearts!

God is our Strength

"God will be our strength." "God is enough." "God will fill you." All things that we say to each other, to make whatever struggle we're going through seem more bearable. And as good-intentioned as our words are, they seem to lack the ability to connect with our hearts. Because in all reality as much as we say we believe these words, we still don't tap into the incredible fulfillment that God's presence offers. We rely on friends, possessions, addictions, and family to fill us. We say God is our everything, but He's not actually the first one we go to when we are struggling. Whether it be a friend, a beer, a car, or our mommy, we turn to things that were never intended to fill us completely. I've done this many times. I tend to turn to people first before I trust God. But God being the wise guy He is has put me in situations when He has taken away my people that I turn to. He has moved me more than once now to completely new surroundings. I've struggled, been frustrated, been sad, felt lost, felt alone, and my only nearby option was God. What a sweet time these moments have been for me. Sweet times that I've been really able to taste and see that God is good. Moments when the only way to vent my frustrations was down on my knees, when the only arms to hold me were my Heavenly Father's, and the only comfort to be found was in singing to our Great God. It's because of these moments that I've learned not only the knowledge of God's strength and love, but I've learned rely on it, I've tested it, and found it to be solid. I will acknowledge that God has used people to demonstrate His love towards me, but my true foundation has ultimately been found in the embrace of my Heavenly Father.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us." (1 John 4:16)

"Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy Name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits- Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit ad crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like eagles." (Psalm 103:1-5)

The Clouds Roll Away

The other day there were thunderstorms here in East Texas. I've experienced thunderstorms in Oregon and Paris, but there was something different about this one, the time after the storm. Though the storm clouds were past my location, you could still see them moving right along. I saw lightning flashes and heard faint sounds of thunder from within the bunch of clouds. I've never seen this before. I’ve never been able to watch the storm as it rolls away. It got me to thinking about the times in my walk with the Lord that have been stormy. There have been storms of pain, rejection, loneliness, disappointment, loss, and discouragement. During the storm’s occurrence, all you can see are the dark clouds that surround you. The wind seems relentless and the rain never-ending. You live in hope for the day that the clouds roll away, the sky clears, and the sun shines down on you once again. And when this day finally comes, you may have the opportunity to watch the storm as it continues somewhere else. A friend loses a loved one, a child is rejected, a colleague is experiencing hurt, a stranger is lonely and you can commiserate. You can commiserate because the very storms that lurk above them were once above you. They feel overwhelmed, but you see the blue sky surrounding the bunch of clouds and feel the sun’s rays. You've seen hope revealed, you've seen hurt healed, and you've known God’s presence in the midst of loneliness. You've sang through the rain and danced in the wind, proclaiming God’s goodness during your biggest trials. It is one of life’s greatest privileges to use your experiences to point others to the Heavenly Father. Use the voice God has given you and sing a song of hope, proclaim words of truth, and never let fear keep you from sharing your story.

Here Comes Goodbye

Watched a movie with a goodbye scene tonight and of course it made me cry. Ever since I packed up and said goodbye to all my loved ones in GP to live in Paris 2 years ago, I get weepy during any goodbye scene I watch. Though I'm back in GP with my loved ones now, I'm starting to tear up. I'm  packing up and saying goodbye to GP again in 3 weeks. Everyone keeps reassuring me that it's going to be fine because I've done this before. And the truth is, it will be fine and I have done this before. But I think becoming familiar with a certain sadness doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited for this next chapter in Texas, but I'm not looking forward to the feeling that comes with leaving people behind. And with each sad moment that comes a certain cynicism wants to creep in.  Trying to convince you that opening your heart up to people is really too much to handle, that connecting with others is not worth the heartache that comes with leaving them. But it's wrong. I've learned that people are always worth it. We are meant to have relationships throughout our seasons in life. Some get to walk along side us, others stay with us in our hearts, and a few are in it for the long haul. And if it hurts to say goodbye to someone, it's a blessed indication that you are indeed spending your heart in the way it was meant to be spent. Thank God that He created us for community, thank God that He created us for Him, and thank God that He is there to mend the pieces of our broken hearts as we say our goodbyes.

"Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." (Jeremiah 29:5-8)

Signs of Unemployment

Signs of Unemployment or that you're on a long vacation (depends on how you look at it):

You can't tell what the date is or what day of the week it is without looking at a calendar.

You know it's time to do the laundry because you've run out of clean swimsuits.

You wonder why all of your friends have to work so much.

Some days you skip washing your hair because you know that you're going to be floating the river anyway.

You're finally not busy enough to overlook the fact that your car needs to be washed. (that doesn't mean you wash it, just now you notice that it's dirty)

You make plans with people because you have all this free time and become busier than when you were working.

You wonder why you have so many shoes cause you wear flip flops all the time. (with the exception of cowboy boots on Sundays cause they just look cuter with dresses)

You watch movies you forgot you owned.

You become very reflective, write your thoughts down and fancy yourself a poet.

Though you have a lot of time on your hands, you find yourself reluctant to commit to anything more than a day in advance because you want to leave time for naps.

You realize that your kitchen is full of baked goods and you are finally running out of that seemingly endless supply of flour you have.

You sing the day away, literally. It's amazing how many instrumental tracks there are on spotify.

You finally have time to learn all those Dolly Parton and Reba Mcentire songs you always wanted to bust out anytime you find yourself in a social setting involving karaoke.

As anxious as you are to get back to work, you realize the value there is in rest.

You better understand the importance of people and relationships. You finally get to say a little later, laugh a little longer, and talk a little deeper.

You finally know the meaning of being still before the Lord and are more connected to Him because of it.

And as lost as you feel, you become better acquainted with who you are and what you are meant to do.

Though this last month has been very topsy turvy for me, I've been so grateful for this time. I look forward to starting the next part of the journey, but am enjoying this time of repose. God knows what He's doing.