Prone to Wander

Sitting here reading about people who have wandered in the Bible and how God loves them back to Him. Each account I read God is gentle in their shame, constant despite their wandering ways, and graceful despite their wayward hearts. And when I realize that God's heart relates to myself in the same way, I break. Sometimes God gives me a glimpse into His great love so overwhelming that I can't help but cry. The reasons why I've pushed the Father away seem trivial in comparison to  the great tenderness found in His embrace. The motivation behind my lack of trust in God's goodness seems petty, my rebellion is useless, and my pride ridiculous. I've listened to lie that God's love is based on circumstance. I've put a stop on the healing that hurts too much to go through. I've said no to the hope that wants to wash away my cynicism. I've allowed the hurt others have caused to build walls between me and God. Meanwhile God has been watching me within enough distance for me to walk back into His embrace. God's Father heart has stayed constant and his compassion consistent. And now I cry, not because of my shame, but because despite my shame, God is ever tender, filled with grace, and ever unconditionally loving.