Heartbreak

Well, it's official, I've had my first foray into the relationship heartbreak world as an adult. It's a painful spot to be in, but it has quiet completely quieted my heart before the Lord. When the stillness comes, the lies being spoken in the background are much easier to detect. When you brave the waters of putting yourself out there, you chance that the winds might pick up and that the towering waves might end up tossing you back onto the shore into a sprawled out seaweed mess. It's a vulnerable spot to be in. You start to feel un-valued, un-likeable, and ultimately rejected. Now why talk about this? Isn't it hard? Of course it is, but my hardships have always been catapults for God to launch something greater. I know many of you are not unfamiliar with the stinging pain of things not working out with someone you really like. My natural pull has been to not want to talk about it and to keep my feelings to myself. I just feel stupid. I think what I have to learn in this and what I have to say to those of you going through something similar, don't ever feel stupid for putting yourself out there. Don't ever think that you have less value because someone else doesn't see it. Never should you feel ashamed to cry or feel hurt. An arrow can only be shot by being pulled backwards at first, but don't worry because God can use this "pulled-back" season to focus you, and when He does launch you, it will be much further than you expected. Allow your emotions to take their full cycle, but in the process, don't become bitter, become better. There's something about our hardships that lead us to believe that God isn't the good God He says He is. I can't tell you how many times this has been my struggle. Peace isn't found in forcing yourself to believe God is good. Peace is found in sincerely coming before the Lord, giving full voice to your doubt, then allowing God to show you that there's a difference between our version of good and God's greater good. Know that God is all about your good as much as He is about His glory. Sometimes the most gracefully loving thing He can do for us is tell us no. It's important to not give up hope or belief in God's goodness and unfailing love. Feel the hurt and anger, don't snuff it out with busyness or people's shallow admonitions to get over it. It's okay to not want to listen to the married 22 year old with kids telling you to wait on the Lord's timing who has barely any experience in actual waiting. Watch a sad movie. Listen to sad music. Feel the fullness of what you're going through, but ultimately, allow it to drive you to that quiet spot before the Lord.