Pearls of Wisdom I Gleaned From the Dating World

When I began the journey of dating, I never thought I'd glean from it so many life lessons. Every crazy, pervy, and nice guy I've met has taught me valuable lessons. Here are a few more of  those lessons...

Crazy people actually exist. And they may find you. And they may use 5 plus identities to communicate with you. And when all is revealed, you may have to literally run away from them while on a date. And you may find yourself in the frustrating situation of changing your number because they won't leave you alone. Lesson learned. If someone shows you that they are crazy, believe them and cut them off asap.

When you get stood up, try not to take it personally. And try not to be too surprised when social media reveals to you just TWO WEEKS later that that person has met someone and is now married to them. Just be glad you dodged that moving-way-too-fast-bullet.

If you go on a date with someone who says they don't eat anything sweet and asks what your favorite kind of vegetable is, right after asking you what you think the meaning of life is, you can probably assume that the second date will go just as strangely. If you do go on the second date with them, try to prevent the confusing look from appearing all over your face when they proceed to tell you that they are the kind of person who will never have relationship problems and knows how to avoid them. Kindly let them know that they in fact are probably too perfect for you and that you only date people with realistic expectations.

If someone is telling you sweet and romantic things right from the beginning, raise an eyebrow. They could turn out to be a genuinely sensitive and nice person, but they could also just be trying to get in your pants. Stay attentive and learn how to identify the difference.

Listen to your close friends. They know you well. They are seeing the situation from all sides. They will have your best interest in mind. Also at the same time, you don't need to go to your friends for every little moment that transpires between you and that someone who could be special. Friends' perspectives sometimes complicate things and you over think things enough on your own. So lean on them, cry on their shoulders, but at the end of the day, learn how to pick yourself up off the ground and learn how to follow God's lead without them always having to push you in the right direction.

You must protect your heart and be picky with those you give it to. Better yet, entrust it to God. But you will find that trusting God also means taking risks. You will cry, you will lose sleep, you will feel rejected, and unlikable. Relationships require vulnerability, honesty, and your emotions. Every relationship will end in heartbreak until it's the right one. It's takes courage and security to pick yourself back up and try again. With each heartbreak, you will better learn the balance between protecting your heart and being emotionally available.

"I'm just not ready yet." "I'm really busy and have a lot going on." "I can't do long distance but still want to be friends." " You'll find someone really great." Regardless of how it may be worded, it all means the same thing, you are not the one for them. And that's okay. When someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go. It's okay to be sad about it for a minute, but move on. In the very wise words of Madea,"Half these people you'll be sitting around crying and worrying about, in 2 or 3 years, you're not even going to remember they're last name...Few people come in your life for a lifetime, and many for only a season and you've got to know which is which. And you're always going to mess up when you mix seasonal people up with lifetime expectations."

Don't be afraid to sit out a minute and let your heart rest. Don't ever let dating become your focus. Follow God, seek His Kingdom and when He allows people into your life, trust Him to guide you through the process.

If you find yourself surrounded by married friends with kids who have less time for you, don't become bitter, but rather open yourself up to new friends. Stay in touch with the old ones, but let them be spouses and parents without feeling guilty for leaving you behind. They are doing what they are supposed to be doing. So are you. Seasons change.

If your list of qualities you want in a person is as long as the Psalms, then it's probably what's keeping you from finding the right person. Don't have your eyes so focused on your list that you miss what could be passing by right in front of you.

 Ladies, you're probably not going to find a rugged yet sensitive, straightforward & reliable yet super romantic, completely humble, yet completely confident, has the heart of a pastor, yet makes a lot of money, super hilarious, but also very serious, someone who is extremely patient and calm, yet very passionate at the same time, etc. kind of man. You will find someone normal. We have to stop wishing for our best girl friend and a man in the same person.

And gentlemen, you can't expect that the quiet, submissive pastor's wife with no personality y'all seem to flock to, to have the ability to make you laugh, challenge you and who's also incidentally going to enthusiastically forever get swole with you at crossfit all to help her be the perfect-looking woman of your Proverbs 31 wet dreams in the kitchen.

Time is valuable. Not because it is associated with money, but because it is associated with moments and the people you spend those moments on. In order to date, you will have to waste time. Waste time on people who string you along, aren't ready to commit, aren't emotionally available, people who don't know what they want, etc. These things don't make them bad people, it just makes them not the person for you. Stay patient with the process. This time can be redeemed if you stay positive and and keep an attentive spirit to each lesson learned.

And when the inevitable heartbreak of dating comes your way, there are two types of playlists you must create and listen to. If you are the kind of person who gets angry to cover up feeling hurt, make a playlist that will make you cry. If you are the kind of person who gets hurt and just feels sad (I fall into this category), make yourself an angry heartbreak playlist. Cee Lo Green's "Forget You," and the All American Rejects, "Gives You Hell," are really great songs for this. In either event, the only way to effectively move on is to allow your emotions to run their course.

At the end of the day, you must learn how to be secure, whole, independent, and joyful without the companionship of someone else. Two halves may make a whole, but two whole people make a better relationship. It is necessary to learn the ability of picking yourself up off the ground before you can support someone else. Do all the things you dream of. You don't need someone to stand with beneath the glow of the Eiffel Tower at night to find the romance of life. You don't have to have a partner to move halfway across the country with to make you feel safe. The trees and mountains aren't less breathtaking without a hand to hold.

There is a full, beautiful life to be had regardless of the fact that you have someone to journey with or not. Fall in love with life, actually, fall in love with God, the giver of all life. And one day, if you happen to come across someone to walk through that life with, fully allow them into your world. Be kind, honest, open, sincere, and loving.

Back in the Game

Throughout my seasons of struggle, there have been times when God's sat me out of the game, had me sit in the dugout and rest awhile. These are the times that God was trying to teach me how to rest in Him and how to quiet my soul. There was a lot of purpose in these moments. Recently, I have seen that God will sometimes put us back in the game, much earlier than we expected. I'm still weary. It's as if God says, "Perfect, now you'll rely on my strength. Still doubting? That's great, I'll help you grow your faith through helping others. Still fearful? Sounds like a great opportunity for you to learn how to be brave." And I, in a confused state, stumble, listlessly back onto the field. My struggles do not take away the opportunities for God to use me. My doubts do not forfeit my faith. And my fears do not overshadow the power God wants to display in my life. Toil is inevitable, but defeat is not written into the ending. Though I am broken, it is the enemy of my soul that will ultimately be crushed. So I step onto the field, eyes squinting through the sun's brightness, my body is tired, my soul may be a bit on the broken side, but if God has put me back in the game, then I must play on.