Was Paul Right?

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord, for Whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him..." (Philippians 3:7-9)

Now I've been thinking, how does one recite this verse and sincerely mean it? I mean, I've been hearing a lot of talk lately about how following the Lord just isn't fun. I've heard that it's limiting, restrictive, and boring. And it's made me think on my own decision to follow Jesus. I made the decision when I was a child as a direct result of being raised in church. It's what I was told, so I willingly believed. But as I got older and the "rubber met the road," Jesus became more than just a hero I sang about, He became my lifeline. He has became the shoulder I cry on, the healing arms I cling to, and the strength I rely on. And following Him has never been anything short of satisfying. And I don't say these things as one who has merely read of the of joy of knowing Christ, but as someone who has experienced that joy. And it's not necessarily the kind of joy that brings sunny days, fosters smooth sailing, or is associated with happy circumstances. Because I have had my fair share of cloudy skies. I've wearily weathered the stormy waves of this life, and I've walked through sad circumstances. It's the kind of joy that gives you a sense of peace that makes absolutely no sense when you try to explain it out loud but makes perfect sense to your heart. It speaks of a hope completely unobstructed by the cynicism that heartache brings. It's perhaps a revealing of a hunger that this world was never meant to satisfy.
Being raised in the church no longer holds water to me as the reason I decided to walk into a relationship with Jesus. It's the experience that I can't deny, the hope that I can't snuff out, and the joy that I can't squelch. It's the fact that the Almighty God has left his hand prints on my life and I can't erase them. And I don't want to try. Yes, Paul, I second what you say, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord." (Phil. 3:8)

My Home

As I left work today, a wave of emotion swept over me. At first I chalked it up to my tendency to be sentimental, seeing as how today was the last day of our summer program, but as I drove away I realized there was more to it than that. It was the fact that it was the end. The end of the routine I had grown accustomed to for 3 months. The end of seeing certain faces everyday. Sure, I will see some of those faces again, but the group of kids won't be the same. I dealt with the same sinking feeling when I moved from Grants Pass to Paris for two years and once again when I left to come back to Grants Pass. And I do realize that we live in a world filled with twists, turns, and transitions, and that my resistance to change may seem silly to you, but I find security in consistency. I joke sometimes to my friends that I could wake up and do the same thing everyday and be perfectly content. But in the midst of feeling sad tonight about my changing circumstances, the Lord wanted to remind of His constant nature. He never changes. He never leaves or forsakes me. And he is the one thing that will remain. Goodbyes are always hard because no matter how long you prolong the final embrace, at some point you have to let go and walk away. I've experienced that moment many times, and every time, the Lord is there to walk away with me. Not only does He walk with me, but sustains and upholds me in the places He's leading me to. And tonight, as I left work, the tears filling my eyes reminded me of my proclivity to forget that. But the upside is that it was also an opportunity to be led back into the loving arms of my Heavenly Father. And they are arms who's embrace I never have to leave. God is my refuge. He is my friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is my home.

Just Enough

This morning I was reading the account of God providing manna for the Israelites. They had very clear instructions, to gather just the amount they needed for the day, except for the 6th day, when they were to gather enough for two days. (for the Sabbath) At the end of each day they were not to keep any leftovers and if they did, it was smelly and filled with maggots in the morning. I was thinking of how much this must have stretched all those personalities that like to plan ahead, like to have control, or like to take extra precautions. In my walk with the Lord, I go through times when I'm really good at taking God at His Word, and I just follow instructions and let Him take care of everything. Then there's times (like right now) where I'm not so good at it. And everyday is tug-a-war match between me and God. It's hard to give up control, back-up plans, and self-reliance. What I'm learning though is that as much as I fight God for the throne of my life, it is His rightful place. As much as I try to plan out my future, God's purpose for my life is greater. As much as I want to be independent, there's nothing sweeter than being dependent on my Heavenly Father. Surrender is hard, letting go doesn't make sense, but it's completely worth it. I just collect the manna of today and God will worry about the rest.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

No greater joy

Throughout today, I've been very much aware of all the things that distract me from the things that God wants for me. I was watching a scene from a movie of a small town girl who gets a chance to showcase her talent on a big stage. As someone who enjoys singing a great deal, I couldn't help but wish for the same opportunity. Not that wanting this is wrong, but I realized that in the process of thinking these thoughts, there's a little part of me that gives up on what God has for me to walk in. There's a little part of me that begins to believe the lie that maybe God doesn't really have a full life for me. God doesn't have me singing on a big stage somewhere, but as I was driving home tonight, singing a song to the Lord, I realized, my heart was full. There's no greater song to sing than the song of someone beloved by God, there's no greater stage to sing on than the throne room of my Father, and there's no greater audience than that of my loving Savoir. The greatest joy I've ever known has been found in following Jesus. And when I begin to believe the lie that a full life if found outside of anything but Jesus, I will remember these words:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36)