Mistakes

What I've been learning lately is that you shouldn't love someone because they love you.You have to love someone despite the fact that they won't always love you perfectly. You shouldn't trust someone because they are trustworthy, you have to choose to trust them even though that trust may be broken. You shouldn't rely on someone because they are dependable. You never know how long you have with any one person regardless of whether or not they have control over the circumstances. You shouldn't take care of someone because they take good care of you. You have to take care of someone even when they lack the ability to care for you in the same way. You shouldn't forgive someone and expect an apology. You have to forgive knowing that the person may never change nor feel remorse. You shouldn't build a bridge expecting that someone will meet you halfway. Sometimes you have to cross the bridge and and walk someone back over it with you. You shouldn't give of yourself or your resources expecting compensation. You have to give, generously because some people just aren't capable of giving back.

Though they come with faults, people are too important to give up on. Time is too precious to harbor bitterness. And relationships are too necessary to become jaded. Don't walk through life expecting people to let you down, walk through life embracing the moments when love is perfect. And most importantly, walk through life relying on the only One Who's love is perfect, Who's heart is unchanging, and Who's pursuit of the human race is unwavering. For only when we rely on Him are we able to give wholeheartedly, forgive thoroughly, and love unconditionally.

God's Love

"This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us..." 1 John 4:10

Our inconsistent attempts to love God with fickle hearts do not reflect the unwavering nature of God's love toward us. Though we stray, and only call on Him when things get rough, His loving arms never lose their grip on us. And even when we put up walls, God's love is fighting against every ounce of cynicism inside of us. Thinking over these last couple of months and how much I've doubted God's love for me, I am completely in awe at how steadfast God's love has been throughout. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of God's relentless pursuit of my heart. God loves me and that is love, not that I love Him.

Without God

I don't really want to share this but, transparency is important for God to get the glory. Weakness should be admitted so that God's strength becomes more apparent. So here goes. For certain reasons that aren't important to this post, I've always had really high expectations of myself and others. This has left me with a tendency to be prideful.There have been plenty of things I've abstained from, many big mistakes I haven't made, and plenty of progress in healing from hurts people have caused me. And sometimes I really do feel like patting myself on the back. Sometimes I really do think I'm a pretty good person. Well, lately, things have been a bit stressful. And for the first time, I've been resistant to God's Voice in my life. So I've had the opportunity to be more acquainted with the the version of myself not under the direction of God's guidance. She's not too pretty. She's impatient, way too sarcastic, can't keep her facial expressions in check, she's selfish, not very helpful, and apathetic to other peoples' pain. She's also guarded, insecure, scared, and cynical. And these are just the things I'm willing to admit, believe me, the list is much longer. But you get the picture, I'm not a pretty picture without God.

It has been a very humbling couple of months for me. I am beginning to no longer look back at the way I've lived my life with pride in my heart. Now, I look back and see God's amazingly sweet intervention. I see how God has brought me to victory. I see how God's hand fixed my wounded heart. I see how God used His Word to show me where I should walk. I see how God's Voice has been entwined with all of my thought processes. I see God's arms picking me up and prodding me along. I see God's relentless pursuit of my heart. Without God, I wouldn't be much of a good person. Without God, I shudder to think of how messed up my life would be. Without God, I am a broken, mistake-prone, human. Without God my identity is undetermined, my purpose unknown, and my destination undiscovered. But how wonderful to know that even though I may stray at times, God never walks away from me. I do not have to be without God. And by His grace alone I will find strength in my weakness. Praise God that I don't have to live life without God.