Without God

I don't really want to share this but, transparency is important for God to get the glory. Weakness should be admitted so that God's strength becomes more apparent. So here goes. For certain reasons that aren't important to this post, I've always had really high expectations of myself and others. This has left me with a tendency to be prideful.There have been plenty of things I've abstained from, many big mistakes I haven't made, and plenty of progress in healing from hurts people have caused me. And sometimes I really do feel like patting myself on the back. Sometimes I really do think I'm a pretty good person. Well, lately, things have been a bit stressful. And for the first time, I've been resistant to God's Voice in my life. So I've had the opportunity to be more acquainted with the the version of myself not under the direction of God's guidance. She's not too pretty. She's impatient, way too sarcastic, can't keep her facial expressions in check, she's selfish, not very helpful, and apathetic to other peoples' pain. She's also guarded, insecure, scared, and cynical. And these are just the things I'm willing to admit, believe me, the list is much longer. But you get the picture, I'm not a pretty picture without God.

It has been a very humbling couple of months for me. I am beginning to no longer look back at the way I've lived my life with pride in my heart. Now, I look back and see God's amazingly sweet intervention. I see how God has brought me to victory. I see how God's hand fixed my wounded heart. I see how God used His Word to show me where I should walk. I see how God's Voice has been entwined with all of my thought processes. I see God's arms picking me up and prodding me along. I see God's relentless pursuit of my heart. Without God, I wouldn't be much of a good person. Without God, I shudder to think of how messed up my life would be. Without God, I am a broken, mistake-prone, human. Without God my identity is undetermined, my purpose unknown, and my destination undiscovered. But how wonderful to know that even though I may stray at times, God never walks away from me. I do not have to be without God. And by His grace alone I will find strength in my weakness. Praise God that I don't have to live life without God.