Weakness

There are moments of great strength and victory. And these moments are good. But as life-giving as these moments are, there are others of equal importance. Our weak and broken times. As someone who has felt chained to peoples' high expectations, these broken moments are the hardest to talk about. People expect me to say something Jesusy. People like me because I'm funny. But sometimes the process of healing is messy. It requires that we let go of the false identities we've held onto. I have become weary of doing good. I've tired from the burden of being the good example. And there's less of a need for me to people please through humor. For the first time in a while, I've needed more than I've been giving. It's not a familiar spot to be in. The redeeming part about this whole season is that I've never leaned so heavily on God's grace. I've learned to not just know that God loves me, but to rely on that love. I've seen God glorified more than He ever has been in my life. It's the sharing of my struggles that has been drawing others closer to God. For the first time, I am understanding that His strength is truly made perfect in my weakness. This process of becoming a more sincere follower of God has required more vulnerability than I've ever been comfortable showing. And yes, this process might mean that I cuss a little bit more, I am not as consistent as I've appeared to be, and I am not the seemingly perfect Christian girl people expect me to be. But I am closer to understanding God's heart of deep forgiveness, grace, and love. I've exhausted these resources more in the past 3 months than I have in all my 27 years of following Jesus. God has taken my struggles and hurts and has sowed a heart of understanding for others' struggles and hurts. There is great value in weakness. God is bringing my heart closer to a true sense of being satisfied in Him.