Love is not, love is.

I was reading in 1 Corinthians 13 today, you know the chapter that talks about all the things that love is. It really touched me this morning. In this world we live in, love is misrepresented on a regular basis. And it's hard to believe in the things this chapter speaks of in the midst of hurtful words, lonely nights, mistreatment, divorce, heartache, shattered dreams, and cynical thoughts. But what the Lord desperately wants us to know is that, the way "love" is carried out in this world, is not the way that love is carried out in His throne room. When hurtful words are spoken, that is not love. When little ones are abandoned, that is not love. When people are mistreated, that is not love. When two people decide they are just not happy anymore and end their marriage, that is not love. When cynicism creeps in to numb the pain, that is not love. When we watch characters on tv shows have one one-night stand after another, that is not love. When we are the victim of someone else's temper, that is not love.

And I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Well, of course these things are not love." And I know this in my head, but it's something I have to remind my heart of everyday. We are taught all the time what love is not. And we seem to equate our circumstances to the Lord. But God is love. And love is poorly represented in this world we live in. God's love for us is so different than what we've tasted in this life. It is not dependent on people, it certainly is not reflected in the media, and it does not rely on circumstances. It is above this world, it is without end, and it remains. Love never fails. God's loving heart for us always, protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. 

Stay Sweet

The longer I live, the older I get, the more reasons I find to be cynical. And it's a comfortable spot to live in, considering that it's a good way to stay away from hurt. It's a spot that I've lived in. And yet the longer I walk with Christ, the closer I get to Him, the more reasons I find to be joyful and hopeful. Now these two mindsets do not work together. Cynicism may keep me from the lows of life, but it also keeps me from the heights of walking with the Lord. Cynicism will not win because there is victory in Christ. May I claim the words of Joseph who had every reason in the world to be cynical, yet while standing before his betrayers said these words, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Gen. 50:19-20)

May I allow God's love to heal every hurt. May my cynical nature become a thing of the past. May I allow God to chisel away at my heart and may I walk in the role He has always intended for me. And I would pray the same prayer over all of you, especially you ladies. Trade in the cynicism for joy. Let go of bitterness so you can embrace the hope God has called you to. Allow God to keep you sweet.

Holy Holy to Abba Father

Approaching God's presence in the Old Testament:

"When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance..." Exodus 20:18

Approaching God's presence in the New Testament:

"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence." (Ephesians 3:12)

Contrary to popular belief, God did not turn over a new leaf, if you will, in the New Testament and decide to play nice. The Old Testament and New Testament is a cohesive story that tells the story of life without Christ's sacrifice, relying on the blood of animals and the heart stature of the high priest while everyone else was without permission to enter God's presence to life covered in Christ's blood, able to approach His throne with confidence and even call Him "Father." Our faith is no longer wrapped in what we do or what we can't do. It's wrapped up in what Christ did and the life His love compels us to live. We went from "Thou shalt not" to "Now you may." And how amazing it must be for the angels to look down from heaven and scratch their heads at the story they've watched unfold for years and see the mystery of Christ be revealed in people. Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty and how great is the love He has lavished on us!

I am not

It's been one of those broken kind of weeks. When circumstance, people, and even your own self seems to beat you down. And the day I was feeling the most beat down, God didn't comfort me or encourage me. And I began for the first time to doubt God's love and the hope I have in Him for the first time in my life. And in this moment of doubt, God did something I didn't expect. He led me to go to Medford and visit a family member who's been in the hospital for the past week. Considering their physical condition, they weren't very positive. They spoke of fear, depression, and a lifetime of regret. And during this conversation, I was reminded of the hope I have in Christ. And though this person had experienced heartache that I've never known, been in depths I never knew existed, and has felt pain I can't grasp the vastness of, I have experienced joy they've never known, peace they never knew existed, and love that no one can grasp the vastness of. And all the doubt that had filled my heart that day evaporated in the joy of sharing this hope. In sharing the hope Christ offers, I was reassured of God's faithfulness throughout the many miles I've walked with Him in my own life. God used the very last light I had left within me to shine into the darkness of that hospital room. He used my weakest moment to reveal His strength to someone Who's own strength is waning. And what I walked away with? I am broken. God is the Healer. I am weak. God is strong. I doubt, God is consistently faithful. I am prone to wander, God's love never gives up on me.

Love Fails Miserably

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Living in the world we live in, it's hard to believe in the validity of these words. Based on what life has taught me, love is something you can fall in and out of. Love loves those who reciprocates its feelings. Love sweeps over patience and commitment for a night that later causes little ones to live in two different houses. Love gives up on people whom it can't trust. Love fails to keep hope alive as it allows bitterness and cynicism to creep in. Love can be bought on the corner down the street. Love only remembers its wounds and fails to let go of the past. Love seeks ones own happiness and success without regard to the family it breaks a part. Love rejoices when it's enemy is down. Love protects ones self and uses sarcasm and humor to deflect others' attention from what's really going on inside their heart. Love fails miserably.

I have failed miserably at love, I've watched others do the same, and I've worked with some of the little ones who have been recipients of failed love. But as if to clear up the confusion 1 Corinthians says,

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting though a fog, peering through a mist. Bit it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly just as He knows us." (1 Corinthians 13:12, the Message)

One day, true love will not be clouded by our vision of this world. One day we will see it's depths, know it's heights, and span its distance. Because one day, we will see face to face it's Author.

Sissy-Pants Faith

Paul's life:

5 times received 40 lashes, 3 times beaten, once stoned, 3 times shipwrecked, spent a night and day in the open sea, constantly on the move, in danger from rivers, bandits, his own countrymen, Gentiles, in danger in the city and in the country, in danger at sea, and in danger from false brothers. Labored, toiled, went without sleep, knew hunger and thirst and often went without food, had been cold and naked...

My life:

Has gone without air conditioning, has had to make do with just plain ice cream when the hot fudge ran out, has had only 1 pillow to sleep on when the other was in the washing machine, has had to buy discount clothes from Ross because I'm on a budget, has had to get a water cup instead of soda, has to watch movies on my lap top because I don't have tv, has to read a book when my lap top is broken, which means I've had to go a week or two without knowing what happened on the last episode, has had people disagree with my opinion, has had to to move, has been exposed to people who don't shave or wear deodorant at boatnik, has had to read my regular Bible because I accidentally left my study Bible at church...

Needless to say, my life is clearly much more difficult than Paul's ever was. I sacrifice so much for the sake of the Gospel, I mean I even give 10% of my money to the church and at least once a week, I pray for others. And I'm sure you all agree with me wholeheartedly. But seriously, turning the sarcasm off, how much have I traded in sharing the Gospel for the sake of entertainment, comfort pleasure, and self ambition? So many times. My life is cluttered with selfishness. And it's a shame because God is real, the Gospel is Truth, and my life, other than how I spend my Sundays, doesn't seem to reflect that. Lord, change my daily activities, re-adjust my perspective in light of eternity, and take away the things that don't last.

Sometimes faith just sucks

Had a great conversation last night about faith. And I came to the conclusion that faith sometimes just sucks. Now before you all start praying for me to come back to Jesus, let me finish...Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Faith is trusting God's way when emotions want to take us another way. When I'm sitting on a beach, basking in the sun's rays, drinking a shirley temple, I would say that God is good. Clearly it wouldn't take much imagination to conclude that it's completely parallel my circumstance. But turn the tables on me, take away my beach chair, add a little rain and clouds, and most likely I wouldn't be preaching the goodness of God. In life, there are many difficult circumstances. Regret, rejection, deception, death of loved a one, sickness, depression, abuse, heartache, neglect, hurt feelings...and the list could go on. And with all these difficult circumstances comes the propensity to discredit God's goodness and blame Him for all the bad. And though we read that God works everything together for the good our trials seem to suggest the opposite. Which brings me to my point. I think it's okay to say that faith sometimes just sucks. It's okay to admit that though we know in our heads that God is love, we don't always feel in our hearts. Does that mean that I back out of this whole faith thing? No. It means that I take it as an opportunity to come to a new level of genuine communion with a God Who is thick skinned enough to hear my doubts, personal enough to let me rant, and yes, loving enough to hold me even when I am barely holding onto Him. So faith, yes, is tough, and it doesn't make sense all the time. And sometimes I may want to turn back. But then I recall that faith can move mountains, not just because I read it somewhere in a book, but because I have hiked the trail of that mountain, I've smelled the trees after the storm, and I've found victory in scaling it. I remember the days when God reached down and moved the mountain of my heart and forever changed my perspective. And the effect of that experience cannot be blotted out by a measly trial, it will not be forgotten despite my many doubts, and it will not be cast aside as memory in the past. God is good all the time, and despite what circumstance might suggest, all the time God is good.

We should feel more

I have a friend that's going through a hard time, who's been hit on every side. Tonight it made my heart hurt hearing about everything they're going through. And it made me think. There's a lot of bad stuff going on in the world. There's people I love experiencing pain, hardship, loneliness. Syria is a mess. Today we remembered the tragedy of 9/11. There's people starving, dying of cancer, and homeless. There are hurting children, victims of their circumstances. There have been storms that have swept people and homes away. So much sadness! And immediately my human tendency is to push away the negativity and try to think more positive thoughts. And even a lot of you are probably already thinking that this post is too much of a "debbie downer" and might discontinue reading because of it. But I don't think that sadness is something to be avoided. Sadness is part of life. And feeling other peoples sadness is part living that life. Trying to be more positive is a good idea, but not when it's a method of deflecting. Trying to make someone smile or laugh is a nice distraction, but distracting from reality is not always necessary. Sometimes life is just bleak, the light at the end of the tunnel is no where in sight, and the silver lining is not making an appearance anytime soon. And it's in these moments that I need to surrender to the tears threatening to ensue, let go of the jokes that divert my attention away from reality, and just let myself be sad. And allow myself to feel the sadness of others. Now in this process I cannot forget that, though hope seems lost, hope is not gone. That though faith seems forgotten, it can still move mountains. And that, though God may seem far away, He's right by my side. I cannot fix people, but I can to my best to look after orphans and widows in their distress. I can't fix everything, but I can pray without ceasing to a God that holds the world in the palm of His hand. Tears spent on the behalf of others are precious, tough they should not be rare. Now I'm not suggesting that we spend our whole lives wallowing in sadness. But I am suggesting that maybe we should feel a little bit more and hold back tears a little bit less. That maybe Harriet Beecher Stowe was right when she said,

"But, what can any individual do? Of that, every individual can judge. There is one thing that every individual can do,—they can see to it that they feel right. An atmosphere of sympathetic influence encircles every human being; and the man or woman who feels strongly, healthily and justly, on the great interests of humanity, is a constant benefactor to the human race."

Sarcasm vs. Romance...The Battles That Rages Within Me

Had one of those Sundays this last week when I was far too cynical and sarcastic for church. And my best friend sitting next to me patiently listened to and smiled at all of my colorful remarks. I blame it on whoever's speaking, the music that's playing, or the video that made me roll my eyes. But whatever the case, I usually do a good job of placing the blame on anyone or anything but my pessimistic state. I felt like that cranky old lady who sits in the same spot every week, uses the same pen to take notes, expecting to hear the same old cliches being spoken from the pulpit, and throwing eye daggers at people as they try to greet me during the "everybody greet your neighbor time." And as much as my friend got a good laugh from watching all of my snarky facial expressions, I was saddened. I was saddened because I know full well that there was a time that this was not my walk with the Lord. I used to be the weird one who stands up when no one else is, who's eager to meet new comers, who enthusiastically nods when the pastor says something revolutionary, or who always has something to say that the Lord's been teaching them. I began to think, "Maybe I don't love the Lord as much as I used to or maybe I don't need Him as much as I used to. Now before you all start praying for me to come back to the Lord, let me further explain my point.

I realized that it's not that I love the Lord any less or need Him any less. I don't just wake up and decide to be negative. It's a process. It's the little moments when I allow the voice of bitterness to drown out the sweetness of God's still small voice. When I choose to stare at the computer in lieu of taking in the sunset just behind the window curtain. When I work on date entry instead of taking a break to listen to the kids' latest knock knock jokes. When I restrain myself from singing at the top of  my lungs in the car because of the disapproving looks I might receive from the passersby. When I choose sarcasm because I'm too nervous to hold a genuine conversation. When I deflect the good feelings that come with receiving compliments and change the subject. When I choose to do it myself as a way of declaring my independence in place of accepting the offer of help from others. When I allow the pain that comes with hearing hurtful comments turn into bitterness. When I fail to line up the lies I hear with God's truth. And the list could go on.

Bottom line is, I need romance to come back into my life. I don't mean the kind that involves a man and a woman. I mean the kind that gives you the ability to appreciate the beauty and excitement that every moment has the capacity to hold. The kind of romance that can only be discovered in living out a story that is bigger than your own. The kind that challenges you to look beyond the routine of daily living to discover a purpose greater than any you could think of by yourself. It's the kind of romance that brings me back to the place I began, in the loving arms of my Heavenly Father. It's where I belong, it's where I've always belonged. It's not about finding God at church, it's about finding God in every moment and being the church. Church is a good place to find fellowship, encouragement, and refreshment, but it's not the ultimate answer. God is. And when I am resting in His arms, even when I'm at church, there just isn't any room for cynicism.

Was Paul Right?

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord, for Whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him..." (Philippians 3:7-9)

Now I've been thinking, how does one recite this verse and sincerely mean it? I mean, I've been hearing a lot of talk lately about how following the Lord just isn't fun. I've heard that it's limiting, restrictive, and boring. And it's made me think on my own decision to follow Jesus. I made the decision when I was a child as a direct result of being raised in church. It's what I was told, so I willingly believed. But as I got older and the "rubber met the road," Jesus became more than just a hero I sang about, He became my lifeline. He has became the shoulder I cry on, the healing arms I cling to, and the strength I rely on. And following Him has never been anything short of satisfying. And I don't say these things as one who has merely read of the of joy of knowing Christ, but as someone who has experienced that joy. And it's not necessarily the kind of joy that brings sunny days, fosters smooth sailing, or is associated with happy circumstances. Because I have had my fair share of cloudy skies. I've wearily weathered the stormy waves of this life, and I've walked through sad circumstances. It's the kind of joy that gives you a sense of peace that makes absolutely no sense when you try to explain it out loud but makes perfect sense to your heart. It speaks of a hope completely unobstructed by the cynicism that heartache brings. It's perhaps a revealing of a hunger that this world was never meant to satisfy.
Being raised in the church no longer holds water to me as the reason I decided to walk into a relationship with Jesus. It's the experience that I can't deny, the hope that I can't snuff out, and the joy that I can't squelch. It's the fact that the Almighty God has left his hand prints on my life and I can't erase them. And I don't want to try. Yes, Paul, I second what you say, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord." (Phil. 3:8)

My Home

As I left work today, a wave of emotion swept over me. At first I chalked it up to my tendency to be sentimental, seeing as how today was the last day of our summer program, but as I drove away I realized there was more to it than that. It was the fact that it was the end. The end of the routine I had grown accustomed to for 3 months. The end of seeing certain faces everyday. Sure, I will see some of those faces again, but the group of kids won't be the same. I dealt with the same sinking feeling when I moved from Grants Pass to Paris for two years and once again when I left to come back to Grants Pass. And I do realize that we live in a world filled with twists, turns, and transitions, and that my resistance to change may seem silly to you, but I find security in consistency. I joke sometimes to my friends that I could wake up and do the same thing everyday and be perfectly content. But in the midst of feeling sad tonight about my changing circumstances, the Lord wanted to remind of His constant nature. He never changes. He never leaves or forsakes me. And he is the one thing that will remain. Goodbyes are always hard because no matter how long you prolong the final embrace, at some point you have to let go and walk away. I've experienced that moment many times, and every time, the Lord is there to walk away with me. Not only does He walk with me, but sustains and upholds me in the places He's leading me to. And tonight, as I left work, the tears filling my eyes reminded me of my proclivity to forget that. But the upside is that it was also an opportunity to be led back into the loving arms of my Heavenly Father. And they are arms who's embrace I never have to leave. God is my refuge. He is my friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is my home.

Just Enough

This morning I was reading the account of God providing manna for the Israelites. They had very clear instructions, to gather just the amount they needed for the day, except for the 6th day, when they were to gather enough for two days. (for the Sabbath) At the end of each day they were not to keep any leftovers and if they did, it was smelly and filled with maggots in the morning. I was thinking of how much this must have stretched all those personalities that like to plan ahead, like to have control, or like to take extra precautions. In my walk with the Lord, I go through times when I'm really good at taking God at His Word, and I just follow instructions and let Him take care of everything. Then there's times (like right now) where I'm not so good at it. And everyday is tug-a-war match between me and God. It's hard to give up control, back-up plans, and self-reliance. What I'm learning though is that as much as I fight God for the throne of my life, it is His rightful place. As much as I try to plan out my future, God's purpose for my life is greater. As much as I want to be independent, there's nothing sweeter than being dependent on my Heavenly Father. Surrender is hard, letting go doesn't make sense, but it's completely worth it. I just collect the manna of today and God will worry about the rest.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

No greater joy

Throughout today, I've been very much aware of all the things that distract me from the things that God wants for me. I was watching a scene from a movie of a small town girl who gets a chance to showcase her talent on a big stage. As someone who enjoys singing a great deal, I couldn't help but wish for the same opportunity. Not that wanting this is wrong, but I realized that in the process of thinking these thoughts, there's a little part of me that gives up on what God has for me to walk in. There's a little part of me that begins to believe the lie that maybe God doesn't really have a full life for me. God doesn't have me singing on a big stage somewhere, but as I was driving home tonight, singing a song to the Lord, I realized, my heart was full. There's no greater song to sing than the song of someone beloved by God, there's no greater stage to sing on than the throne room of my Father, and there's no greater audience than that of my loving Savoir. The greatest joy I've ever known has been found in following Jesus. And when I begin to believe the lie that a full life if found outside of anything but Jesus, I will remember these words:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36)

What that old church lady taught me

Yesterday morning, I was on a walk. There's these two big hills that I come across on my walk. When I finally mounted the last one, I felt relieved. Automatically I could hear in my head that one old lady from my church growing up as a kid singing in her manly voice (not exaggerating), "God is good, all the time, He put a song of praise in this heart of mine..." As someone who's mind is like a constant jutebox, this song says something about how I felt in that moment. I felt good after the difficult part of my walk, as well as attributed that good feeling to the goodness of God. But I also realized how inaccurate this thought process is. God is not good based on the goodness of circumstance. God is just good, all the time, despite the circumstance. I've found myself singing this same song after coming home after a long day of work, hearing good news, finishing a report for work, while driving home with the windows rolled down and music blasting, when there's a little bit extra in a pay check, when the weather's good, etc. While I think it is a good thing to praise God for the blessings in our lives, it is not good to base God's character on the condition of our situations. And a lot of times, in my attempt to praise God for His blessings, I seem to teach myself that a seemingly blessed life is a sign of God's goodness. It's not during blessing that I need to be reminded of God's goodness, it's during hard times that I need to know that God is good. I need to teach myself to believe in God's goodness despite what my circumstances try to communicate. I need to snuff out those lies that suggest that God's goodness is contingent upon whatever situation I find myself in. I need to sing it out loud so that my heart believes it and my head connects with the truth of God's goodness. Because just as that old church lady taught me years ago, "God is good, all the time, He put a song of praise in this heart of mine..."

My Restless Heart

Came home tonight very anxious, confused, and my stomach in knots. The whole drive home I kept hearing in my head, "Do not be anxious about anything..." knowing that the Lord was waiting for me to stop my brain from spinning, and turn my heart towards Him. And as much as I don't enjoy this restless feeling, I do love how every time it always leads me back to God's heart. It's always an opportunity for me to anchor myself deeper in God's love. And in the process of finding that safeguard in the Lord, I am reminded of the things that matter. Those little faces of the kids I work with everyday come to mind, their sorrow, hurts, and wounds. God asks us not to worry, but if I do worry, may I worry about their futures and how I can be a positive impact on them. God also ask us not to be anxious, but if anxiousness ensues, may I be anxiously praying for healing to come into their lives. And if I am to spend my heart in such a way that it is vulnerable may it be because I love those kids without restriction in a way that only God can teach. May my heart ache for God's Kingdom more than it does over hurts, trials, and confusion that I come across. May I worry about eternity more than I worry about insecurity, rejection, and heartache. And what a joy it is knowing that even when our hearts wander and we become restless about meaningless things, God is restless in His pursuit of us.

Beloved

Now, I'm not trying to add to or subtract from the Scriptures here, but I fully believe that the Bible is a complete story. And when reading one part, it is a good idea to keep in mind things you've gleaned from the other parts. And as I was reading in Psalm 139:1-4 this morning, I kept hearing the truth from the words in Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. (And You love me with an everlasting love)
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. (And yet you draw me to You with loving-kindness
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. (And despite my brokenness, You still love me with an everlasting love)
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord." (And even after knowing my every thought, you still draw me to You with loving kindness.)

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

And I'd like to add, Neither my perception of myself, nor the sorrow of trials, neither the deception of circumstance, nor the lies of the enemy, neither the imperfect love of parents nor opinion of others will be able to separate me, us, from the love that is in Christ Jesus Our Lord.

Hardened Hearts

"Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened." Mark 6:51-52 When I read this it made me a little disappointed in the disciples. How could their faith be that small when they had just previously saw Jesus perform a huge miracle? But then I also thought..."their hearts were hardened?" It wasn't just a lack of faith issue, but an issue of the heart. Their inability to understand what Jesus had done with the loaves and the fish resulted in the hardening of their hearts. And I walk through life doing the same thing. I've worried about money, though I've experience the Lord's provision in small and big ways. I've stressed about not knowing what the future holds, even though I follow the One Who holds my future. I've felt lonely even though God is with me always. I've not been able to let go of past hurts, even though God has been waiting to embrace me with His healing arms. I've feared stepping out in faith, even though I've experienced the peace and joy there is in following God. I've failed to trust people even though I know God's love for me never fails. I've had a hardened heart. I need first recognize the Lord's hand on my life, then praise Him for it. So that when the next thing comes, worship is just automatic. I don't want my hardened heart to ever get in the way of me faithfully following, passionately loving, fervently trusting, or joyfully rejoicing in the God Who walked on water, fed 5 thousand, healed the blind man, and parted the Red Sea.

Let's get serious

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us." 1 John 4:16

It's valentine's day...The day you have a date with the couch, watch Bridget Jones, and eat your feelings with chocolate or you wish your valentine was a little bit more romantic than pizza and a new vacuum, or maybe you think it's dumb that one day of the year people use flowers and chocolate to express love that should be expressed year-round. It's fun to joke about singleness, the ups and downs of relationships, and I'll admit that I also do enjoy a good ounce of cynicism over Hallmark's big money making day. But I also think that humor is a way to make light of very serious things. And I think that cynicism is used to smite our deepest longings and eventually kill the life of our heart. So in an effort to be serious and breathe life back into our hearts, I pray that we can allow God's love to speak into all our situations.

Missing your valentine who is far away? "And so we know and rely on love God has for us."

Wishing your valentine was still here? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Never had a healthy relationship with a man/woman because of childhood wounds? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Maybe you've just never had a relationship and wonder if there's something wrong with you? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

In the worse part of the "for better or worse" promise you made years ago and looking for an out? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us"

Feeling abandoned by people whom you thought loved you? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Never been loved by a single person? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us"

Stay busy and work hard so you don't have to deal? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Realize that your social life would be over the second you lost your fancy house, cars, and houseboat? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Tried to find God, but He never really showed up? "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

Don't really believe in the existence of God? Even still..."And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."

God's heart for us, how He interacts with our lives, and pursues our hearts is the most amazing thing I've ever come across. It's meant to fill every whole of our lives, quiet the stirrings of our heart, is the healing nectar for the wounds that have scarred us, and the fulfillment of aches that seem to imply that we were made for something bigger than this world. May we know God loves us...and eventually learn to rely, stake everything, on His love for us. Happy Valentine's Day.

The First Big Goodbye

Met with a friend this morning who is in the same spot I was about 2 and a half years ago. The only difference is, her destination is Germany. It's interesting to re-live such life defining moments with someone about to experience their own. Leaving Grants Pass for Paris was my first real goodbye. There's something about that first goodbye moment that takes hold of you. You learn to hug a little bit tighter, talk just a tad bit longer, cry more in real life than you do over a movie, and you learn to take more pictures. :) You waste words less on trivial matters and speak words that are more meaningful. You care less about the weather and more about the condition of the ones you are far away from. And every goodbye scene in every movie reduces you to a puddle of tears in a matter of seconds. You just become a little bit more aware of the deep signifance that every moment holds, the profound meaning behind every word spoken, and the inexpressed emotions every embrace contains. You learn that God is your Home, not all friends are lifers, and you become all the more familiar with Paul's words:

"For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." (2 Corinthians 5:4-5)